Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak to you today, my friends! I am pleased to be able to share with you a little bit about what it was like to to walk with Jesus.

People often ask me what it was like to follow him so closely – to be one of his closest companions.  My answer varies depending on the motivation of the one asking the question, but a word I often use is “Unpredictable”.   We never knew just how Jesus was going to respond to a particular person or situation.  Sometimes, we expected kindness, and he responded harshly.  Other times, we expected rebuke, and he responded with mercy.  Many times, when things would seem to be going quite well, he would say something almost horrifying; and the people would turn on him. 

We realized very early in our travels that we could not influence him by offering our personal opinions about how he should respond to people.  When we told Jesus to send a Greek woman away because she was irritating us, he entered into friendly debate with her, and then he gave her what she requested – freedom for her daughter.  We were left to try to understand the motives behind his very puzzling words and actions. 

When we told him to send the crowds away so that they could eat, his response was “You give them something to eat.” Thousands of hungry people…twelve of us…with no food.  Then Jesus took a boy’s “snack”, and turned it into food enough for us to feed them all. 

When we attempted to prevent children from disrupting his teaching and ministry, he rebuked us.  Then he gave priority to playing with children over the seemingly legitimate needs of the adults seeking him.

We just wanted what was best for him.  We wanted people to believe him, support him, and make the way for him to take his place as the Messiah.  We winced at his harsh words; we grieved at the rejection he received; and sometimes we got angry with him for the things he said.  Once, we warned him that he was being offensive, and he called us “clueless”. Yes, sometimes, we were angry with him.

The truth is he never asked our opinion. Today, I am grateful that he scorned our advice, but in the moment, it was exasperating. Early in the ministry, there were just six of us who had left everything behind when he spoke those two words that changed our lives – “Follow Me”. We were brothers, some by blood, some by the sea, all by long term acquaintance. There was trust and respect among us. We were used to the variety of people that followed us, but we were not remotely prepared for his next “Follow me.” The addition of the tax collector to our inner circle changed everything. We thought Jesus should have been more considerate of our feelings. We had a personal history with this man. Everyone in Capernaum did. Suddenly, the comfortable brotherhood that we shared was strained. We knew better than to confront Jesus – the Pharisees had already done that, and he made his thoughts on the matter quite clear. So we settled into an uneasy tolerance of one another. A situation which was continually challenged as Jesus welcomed more individuals to our group – never once seeking our opinion. We shared one common bond – our response to those two simple words. “Follow Me.”

It wasn’t until after Jesus ascended to the Father, that we truly began to see one another as brothers. Fulfilling our mission has now led us in different directions, but I would lay down my life for any one of them. They have remained faithful and brave through the worst of storms, especially that tax collector that I once felt had no place among us. Only by the grace and working of God, our Father!

Another source of frustration? He was never concerned with the financial or governmental aspects of ministry.  While we were often concerned about not offending those who supported us in practical ways, Jesus never seemed to care about this.  We wanted to avoid confrontation with those in authority. Jesus often initiated it. We would watch in dismay as powerful people turned from him, shaking their heads in scorn for his unteachable spirit.  I confess that many times I felt his words were too harsh, unnecessary, or simply bizarre. Wealthy people rarely followed him for long. Many approached him with benevolence, and left with hostility. Jesus never apologized, and he never pleaded with someone to stay.  He said, what he said, and he accepted the consequences.  We feared them.

One occasion was particularly memorable. An exceptionally wealthy young man had been observing us for several days. He traveled with a number of servants, and it was clear that he was a man of high authority. He appeared to be fascinated with Jesus’ teaching, and his response seemed favorable. We were optimistic about him. As we were preparing to continue our journey, he ran up to Jesus, and fell to his knees before him – in front of all of his servants. We were impressed! He and Jesus spoke briefly about things like the law, and eternal life. Then Jesus told this young man to do something he never told anyone else to do. Sell everything he had, and then give all the money to the poor! All of it! He wanted the man to return to him empty-handed, and only then could he be obedient to the call: “Follow me.” The man was crushed! We were astounded. He could have been an incredible help to us. We were certain that he would have heartily supported us. It was obvious that Jesus cared deeply for him. How often the words of Jesus seemed foolish and short-sighted to us!

Almost immediately after he sent the man away to , Jesus began to speak again of his impending death. We still thought he was speaking in parables, because the Anointed One would establish his kingdom and live forever. It was written in the prophets. He spoke of his death as if it was inevitable; yet he didn’t change his course. We didn’t understand his words or his actions, and they unsettled us. As I tried to sleep that night, these two events kept playing in my mind. It struck me that it would have been a cruel joke for Jesus to tell that young man to go from a life of riches to a life of poverty in order to follow him, if he knew he was about to die. Somehow this thought gave me peace. Jesus could not possibly mean that he was literally going to die! He was still calling people to follow him!

How little we understood! We didn’t understand the Father’s plan for Jesus. We didn’t understand his plan for that seemingly wealthy young man, and exactly why Jesus gave him these “heartless” instructions. We didn’t understand what bondage was, and we didn’t understand freedom. In our ignorance, we fought, we whined, and we questioned. We had no vision for the influence of a repentant tax collector, a wise and determined gentile mother with a heart full of gratitude, children with treasured memories of time spent with Jesus, or a “self-made” pauper with the experience and wisdom of a prince.

In faithful obedience, he never allowed our opinions to sway his determination. He always spoke of his choice of words and actions as “given by the Father”.  It was this mindset of “pleasing the Father”, and “completing the work that the Father gave him to do” that gave him his single minded determination.  We simply could not comprehend it.
His humble, but steadfast resolution still amazes me!

People who never saw or interacted with Jesus when he walked this earth often have an illusion of what it was like to follow him -a world of green pastures and still waters, peace among brothers, and unity of purpose. Although we see glimpses of it, that world is still to come. It did not describe our life then, nor does it describe our life now. It was never easy! When we come together, we still have disagreements! To follow him was to be uncomfortable, confused, offended, and vulnerable. The source of all of this unpleasantness was not always the judgmental Pharisees, the demanding crowds, or the unexpected storms. Often, the source of the discomfort was Jesus himself. I do not disrespect him when I say this. I disrespect him when I present the life of a follower of Jesus in any other way. I see now that it was, and is, all for the good of the kingdom!

Often, but not always, it was for our own good also. Our physical bodies in many ways reflect our spiritual ones. The stretching of muscles can be painful, but when done with care and diligence, the result is a stronger body. Jesus did the same thing for us!

For me, the time of training and preparation is over. I am in the midst of my race, and the finish line may soon be in sight. Train well my friends, and trust him, even when you are the most confused, angry, frightened, or wounded; especially when it appears that Jesus has done the wounding. To me, the simplest words of Jesus are often the most powerful. Sometimes, when I am at my lowest points, I hear him whisper those same words he spoke with authority years ago.

“Do not let your heart be troubled. Believe in God. Believe also in Me.”

May the Peace of our Lord, Jesus Christ, reign in your hearts! Thank you for listening, my friends!