First Steps

Why can’t I just keep silent?

When you hear my story, you won’t ask that question. There is nothing that will silence me! I will tell the world about the gatekeeper until I take my last breath!

Why would I risk everything for him?

Walk with me a while and let me tell you; that’s all I ask. It wasn’t very long ago that I stood right where you are. Just like you, I began my journey with much excitement, a little fear, and a strong determination to make good choices. I would be a true leader who would blaze a trail for others to follow. I was incredibly naive. Before I knew it, I was flat on my back without a clue how I got there, how to get up, or what to do next. That’s when I first came face to face with the gatekeeper; although, it was not the start of our journey together.

I should have realized that he was with me from the very beginning, but I was too focused on myself to be aware of his presence. I never gave serious thought to the stories that I had heard about him throughout my childhood. I didn’t consider him when I began my journey. Not even when I was lying helplessly on my back did it occur to me that I needed his help. Undisturbed by my disregard, he helped me to my feet and began to lead me forward. “Follow me,” he said, “and I will direct your path.”

“You have been this way before?” I asked.

“I know the way.”

“I have many choices,” I told him. “I haven’t yet determined which path to take.”

“There is only one correct path, but you must trust me. You must follow me even when it seems I am leading you into difficulty. I will never lead you astray, and I will never leave you to find the way on your own.”

I thought he was crazy, but each day, he would make this promise to me and repeat the same two words.

“Follow me.”

“And where would you lead me?”

“Home. I have prepared a place for you.”

“A place for me?… Why?… Who am I to you? I’m just one of many travelers.”

“Child,” he said softly. “You are worth everything to me; I will lay down my life for you.”

His words made me uncomfortable, perhaps because no one had ever said such a thing to me. I didn’t respond, and he left me to my silent contemplation.

The voice of the gatekeeper was only one of the many voices that I heard. The others had varied messages, yet they had one thing in common. They disapproved of the controlling ways of the gatekeeper.

“No one should choose your path for you.”

“You have the right to determine your destiny.”

“If it is such a wise decision, why do so few choose to follow him?”

“His way is for weak people who are afraid to make decisions for themselves.”

“All roads lead to the same destination, and there are more enjoyable ways to arrive.”

“The gatekeeper denies you many things. The wise try everything and decide for themselves what is best for them.”

Why did I want to follow him?

I asked myself that question many times. It was encouraging to see myself through his eyes, and I liked the person I was when I was with him. Time spent with him was informative and enjoyable. His joy at the prospect of reaching our destination was contagious. In my heart, I knew I wanted to follow him. I determined, however, that I would not let my heart rule my head. I needed to make an informed decision, and the voices that called out to me merited my consideration.

I continued with the gatekeeper until we came to a beautiful meadow scattered with trees full of ripened fruit.

“Child, today is the day of decision. Will you follow me, not just for the moment, but will this be the choice of your life?”

The intensity of his expression conveyed the importance of this decision. My heart and my head seemed to battle momentarily, but I could not reject him. “I will follow you,” I said.

Instead of heading toward the meadow, he turned to the narrow road leading away from it. The path led uphill and into a sharp curve. I couldn’t see the road ahead, but I was sure it couldn’t be a better way than the one we were leaving behind.

“We are not going through the meadow? It seems like such a pleasant path,” I protested.

“That way may appear to be the better choice, but you must trust me to lead you. I know the way. Child, do you trust me?” As usual, when I looked into his eyes, I believed him.

“I trust you.”

I followed him up the hill and found that it was not nearly as difficult as I expected it to be. When we reached the crest, the path still curved around so that I was unable to see what was ahead of us. I gave him a puzzled look.

“Remember this,” he said. “There is no reason to fear the hills. Not all will be this easy, but I will always give you strength when you need it. You must keep your eyes on me. What lies ahead of us is not something that you need to know. For now, we will rest.”

“Remember! Keep your eyes on me!” His instructions were that simple. I had no idea just how horrific the consequences of failing to follow them would be!

Downhill

Soon, my mind began to wander back to the meadow. I thought of the trees ripened with tempting fruit and wondered if we would find any more of them on our path.

“You can always change your mind,”  a voice spoke quietly in my ear.

I closed my eyes, attempting to ignore it, but another whispered to me.

“This is your life. Don’t let anyone else lead it for you.” I opened my eyes and looked at the gatekeeper. The voices fell silent.

“Do you remember the trees back in the meadow?” I asked him.

“I do.”

“Will there be any on our journey?”

“There will, but do not eat their fruit.”

“Why?” I couldn’t hide my frustration.

“The fruit of the trees in the meadow will only bring you harm,” he said. “You must know my voice and listen to mine alone. I will not keep any good thing from you. Neither will I give you anything which will bring you harm.”

I was not satisfied with his answers; I wanted him to explain his reasoning to me. He chose not to do so, and it frustrated me. We continued our journey, and he was faithful to his promises. I never seemed to lack anything. These were wonderful, carefree times when he spoke to me of many things. Both my heart and my head were at peace with my choice…until the day we came to another meadow. He did not stop but turned away from it as he had before. Once again, the path led uphill away from everything pleasant and desirable. I followed him, but the voices called out.

“Turn around. At least consider what we have to offer.”

“Child, you must trust me,” the gatekeeper’s voice seemed distant. I continued to stare at the meadow. Without even realizing it, I began heading downhill toward the lush, green grass and abundantly productive trees. Somewhere far away, I could hear his voice. “I will never leave you. Call out to me in your day of trouble, and I will deliver you.”

Soon I was standing underneath one of the fullest trees in the meadow. I reached up, and a perfectly ripened fruit seemed to fall into my hand. I hesitated as I considered the gatekeeper’s words: “It will only bring you harm.”

The voices encouraged my independent nature.

“Determine your destiny!”

“Lead your own life!”

“Make your own decisions!”

“Follow your heart.”

Suddenly, it seemed trivial to make this such a momentous decision. Such an insignificant action wouldn’t change my life, and it certainly wouldn’t change the world. I lifted it to my lips, took a bite, and closed my eyes to savor the moment. The soft, sweet, flesh contained tiny seeds that were swallowed easily. The taste was even better than expected, and I quickly finished it. I was encouraged to sample the tremendous variety of fruit the meadow offered. Each had a completely different taste. Each was appealing in its own way. I decided that I would rest before rejoining the gatekeeper. Perhaps, he would come to realize the fruit of the meadow wasn’t so harmful after all.

Thorns

I never planned to stay for long. The fruit of the meadow quickly lost its novelty, but I couldn’t seem to walk away. I was intrigued when the voices directed me to new varieties of fruit deeper within the grove of trees. Boredom with my current diet whet my appetite, and I followed their leading.

When I stumbled over an exposed tree root protruding from the rocky path, I made a painful discovery. Long, sharp thorns grew on the branches of these trees. My bleeding palm did not prevent me from noticing an unusual fruit hanging within my reach. This time, I didn’t hesitate before eating it. Afterward, I grabbed one more before sitting down to tend to my wound.

As days passed, I headed deeper into what had become a dense thicket. I bore many scars from the thorns, yet I could not ignore the promise of new delights to be found a little farther ahead. Satisfaction was always a temporary state. Voices no longer spoke to me of the glory of choosing my destiny but of ways to appease my hunger.

At times, I would remember my days with the gatekeeper. I would try to imagine what his road was like, and I wondered if he missed traveling with me. The voices would remind me that he was gone. I could not return to the way things had been before. They assured me that, one day, I would find my way out of the thicket. The promise of another meadow gave me motivation to continue onward.

Only a few days would pass before that promise became a reality. This new meadow was just as lush and beautiful as those of the past. I collapsed in the warm sunlight on the edge of the grove of trees and slept for what seemed like an eternity. When I awoke, the sun was beating down, hot and cruel. I raised my hand to my forehead to shield my eyes.

There was a searing pain in my head, and I jerked my hand away. Blood began to drip from my forehead and roll down my cheek. I looked at my hands and cried out in fear. Thorns and small fruit were protruding from my flesh. I attempted to jump up and run but found myself unable to move. My feet had taken root on the edge of the grove of trees. My transformation seemed to take only moments. I was simply another tree in the meadow dripping with ripened fruit.

As a traveler approached me, a voice called out to him, “Make your own choices. Listen to your heart!”

I recoiled in terror; it was my voice! I watched the naive traveler’s eyes as he reached up and grasped a fruit from my branches. He hesitated for a moment, took a cautious bite, and then quickly finished it. Afterward, he sunk to the ground in blissful ignorance. For a moment, I was horrified; then, I laughed to myself.

“What a fool! He deserves what he gets!” I was shocked by my callous thoughts. Before long, he would be like me. My emotions swirled uncontrollably. Now I was feeding others the same fruit that I knew had enslaved me. I was helpless to stop it, and part of me delighted in it.

Pierced

This traveler would be the first of many who would consume the fruit of my branches. And while they ventured deeper into the grove, other scarred and weary travelers wandered out from the thicket. They, too, collapsed and took root in front of me. Soon, I was not one of the trees of the grove but one of the thicket.

Travelers seemed to be oblivious to this transformation, seeing only what they wanted to see. I had no right to criticize them. After all, many of them had never walked with the gatekeeper as I had. They rejected him from the beginning. My heart broke when I realized that his voice was fading from my memory. I struggled to recall his final words of warning, but suddenly, the memories came rushing back to me.

“I will not keep any good thing from you; neither will I give you anything which will bring you harm.” I wished that I had listened to him.

“I will never leave you! Call out to me in the day of your distress, and I will deliver you.”

Those were the last words the gatekeeper had spoken to me.

What did he mean? Could he deliver me from my current state? Surely, it was too late. I was trapped in the thicket, imprisoned by my own choices and, now, destroying others. “Gatekeeper,” I whispered.

“I am here, child.” That beautiful voice! Was it my imagination?

“I have failed you. All you asked was that I trust you and follow you. I did neither. Why are you still here?”

“I promised you I would never leave you.”

“Can you help me, even now?”

“I can,” He immediately appeared, and I realized that once again, he had been with me all along. “Trust me; whatever happens, I will deliver you.”

Even as he spoke, gnarled branches of a nearby tree seized him. He stood his ground as vines wrapped around his head and thorns gouged deep into his scalp. Blood flowed freely from the wounds. I could only watch helplessly as the courageous man was ripped apart by the evil which I had embraced. Vines bound his hands and feet against the trunk of the old tree, and thorns pierced through his flesh like stakes.

Guilt and shame washed over me as I realized my choices had brought all of this on him. Many of those voices which had once beckoned me warmly now laughed and cheered as one broken, jagged branch thrust itself deeply into the side of the gatekeeper. The tree ceased its attacks and rose up so that all could see the broken, lifeless body. A cheer reverberated around me. Victory belonged to the thicket. Aware that I was now doomed, I sank into hopeless unconsciousness.

Awakening

I drifted in and out of consciousness. My mind swirled with terrifying images, voices of condemnation, and personal shame. After three days, I heard a voice speaking through the turbulence in my mind.

“Follow me.”

I opened my eyes, expecting the harsh reality of defeat to destroy what had to have been a dream. Instead, I found myself gazing into the eyes of the gatekeeper. His body appeared to be strong and vibrant again. As I responded to this revelation, I realized that I was also free of the prison my flesh had become. Thorns and fruit were gone! I was no longer rooted to the earth! I was free!

I sat with him in the meadow, keeping my back to the grove of trees. This time, my eyes remained fixed on him alone. I now understood his words,

“I will deny you no good thing.”

There were many other things that I did not understand. As he tended to my physical needs, he patiently answered my questions.

“The fruit you ate seemed harmless to you, but it contained the seeds of this thicket. As you consumed these seeds, they began to grow. It was not possible to contain all of this within you, so they grew outward. Finally, they took root in the fertile ground of your desires, resulting in a full harvest. All of the fruit was the same; it simply took different forms according to your appetites.”

“But you lost the battle. I saw it.”

“Are you not free from your prison? Do not think that I lost the battle. You did not meet the requirements to overcome the power of the thicket; I did. There was no other way to win your salvation.”

“But there are so many others trapped in the meadows…in the thickets…so many that listened to my voice and ate of my offerings. I called them to their destruction.”

“So many that will call out to me. I cannot free those who do not ask, but I will deliver all who seek it. You cannot undo what you have done. What you can do is change your message. Let your voice be one of deliverance.”

“How can I speak for you? I am not worthy to even follow you. Why would you want me? I…cannot.”

“Child, after all that I have done to set you free, do you now choose to remain in this world? I offer you forgiveness and freedom. I desire to begin our journey anew, to enjoy our fellowship, to share with you from my abundance. I have always loved you, and the place where I have prepared room for you is still waiting. Follow me.”

I arose and followed him, a much wiser person than I once was. I now knew the consequences of making my paths. I understood the character of the one I had chosen to follow: his great love, his wisdom, his provision, and his promise. There is no wiser decision than trusting him. My choice is to follow him, to fully yield my heart and mind, and to place my life and future in his hands.

I have also accepted his challenge to make my voice one of deliverance. That is why I am sharing my story with you and with all who will listen.

“Why risk everything for him?” I know what he did for me, and I know where I would be without him!

“Why can’t I just be silent?” My voice may be the difference between bondage and freedom for someone. It could be the difference for you.

So I ask the question. Where has your path led you? It is a question that only you can answer. Are you following the gatekeeper? If so, do not be led astray by voices that call you from his side. They will only lead you to a thorny trap baited with your deepest desires. Are you in the meadow or imprisoned deep within the thicket?

The gatekeeper is waiting to deliver to you just as he did me. He offers forgiveness, freedom, and fellowship on your journey home to the place he has prepared for you. Call out to him, for he is already there with you, just waiting for you to ask him. When you are free, do not be silent! Make your voice heard, whatever the price! He is worthy of it! May we meet again at the journey’s end!